1:48pm April 20, 2014



just got back from the vet. you guys know what my dumb dog did?

he sprained his tail. from wagging it too hard. this is the stupidest thing.


12:55pm April 20, 2014


to people that sleep with their bedroom doors open:you are brave but you are going to die young

12:46pm April 20, 2014
You bet man.
The weddings have been awful with just water =\

You bet man.
The weddings have been awful with just water =\

12:23pm April 20, 2014

Happy zombie jesus day!

12:10pm April 20, 2014
  • me: I'm pretty sure I would marry every single Avenger.
  • obnoxious friend: Black Widow is an Avenger.
  • me: Did I fucking stutter?
12:06pm April 20, 2014
  • Plays: 118,293
  • Artist: Charlie Daniels Band
  • Track Name: The Devil Went Down to Georgia

& if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold,
But if you lose the devil gets your soul.

12:04pm April 20, 2014



I read an article the other day that said, “if you drink every day you are an alcoholic.” Thank god I only drink every night

why do text posts these days sound like they are quotes from a 40 year old mother’s facebook

9:12am April 20, 2014


Okay I know the time frame totally doesn’t work but- Imagine Draco Malfoy getting all puffed up and arrogant and starting to say “I don’t think my father-” and Harry slyly interjecting “-the inventor of toaster strudel-” “-would be too happy to-” and then stopping in confusion when Harry, Hermione, and every other Muggleborn in earshot start practically crying with laughter.

4:36am April 20, 2014